Distinction: Unworthy vs. Incapable

There is a difference between being unworthy of something and incapable of something. Unworthiness refers to being; incapacity refers to doing or activity. And although activity follows being (function follows form), one has to be careful in how this concept is applied.

For example, we are unworthy of salvation before God because we have sinned. Nevertheless, even if we hadn't sinned, as finite creatures we still could not save ourselves without God's grace because salvation transcends the capacity of finite power; it requires the infinite absolutely. Sin, on the other hand, makes us in a certain sense further incapable of salvation because it makes us unworthy by willfully rejecting the only thing which could save us, namely, God's grace.

Sometimes the Church makes this distinction. For example, She tells us that two persons of the same sex are incapable of marrying each other through the Sacrament of Matrimony. She tells us that women are incapable of ordination, and at one point, She decreed that women were incapable of singing in the choir because it is a liturgical function and hence reserved for men. In none of these instances does the Church decree that such people are unworthy so as to shame them. In a certain sense, all are unworthy of the grace of marriage, priesthood, and contributing to the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. But most people take the notion of unworthiness as a stimulus for shame rather than humility. 

This stimulus to shame rather than humility is fueled by a lack of healthy self-integration usually caused by childhood experiences in being raised poorly. Shame is fueled by falsehoods, pain, and hatred. Humility is fueled by truth, consolation, and love. Humility can feel painful, but it is a very different kind of pain than the pain that accompanies shame. The pain of humility is the pain of subduing one's pride, of resisting the allure of falsehood. The pain of shame is utterly destructive and usually leads to a form of overcompensation: either a person acts "nicely" and allows himself to be walked over without asserting healthy boundaries so as to avoid further pain; or the person acts like a jerk, stomping over others to give himself a false sense of power. Both reactions are extremes that try to hide from the simple presence of shame.

Hence when a person is told they "can't" do something, usually due to the above circumstances, this denial is used as a way to shame the person, confusing the notions of unworthiness and incapacity. In the past, others may have said, "You can't do that" so as to shame the person; e.g. "You can't watch TV/be with those people/eat this food/do that activity/etc." This "can't" took other forms as well: "Stop crying/don't be a cry baby/grow up/toughen up/don't talk about that/shut up/etc." These commands express one reality: you "can't" talk about your emotional state and what's really going on.

Rather than being a way to state a simple, humbling truth, "can't" becomes a powerful tool to place people into positions of shameful submission. Instead of something obvious, such as, "You can't fly because you don't have wings" or "You can't touch the stove or else you'll burn yourself real badly," can't takes on the form of unhealthy social dynamics that leads to shame. 

Hence when the Church declares something very simple and pure and profound, such as, "You can't deliberately miss Sunday Mass without committing mortal sin," She isn't trying to shame us to go to Mass but reminding us of a very basic reality: the primacy of God in our lives, and the most obvious expression of that primacy is weekly worship as handed down to us from Christ Himself.

All the commandments and dogmas of the Church are interpreted as shaming mechanisms by people who themselves feel ashamed for whatever reason. They cannot be properly seen as humble statements of divine truth when a person is caught up in such a psychological-spiritual state. But in reality, these commandments and dogmas are lampposts to our happiness and freedom because they guide us to humility, and as Scripture tells us, "God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble" (Jas. 4:6).

The Manutergium and 1st Stole

Manutergium, alternatively (and legitimately) spelled maniturgium, and also sometimes called the "binding cloth."

On the occasion of their first Mass, it is traditional that the newly ordained priest presents a gift to his parents. 

To his mother he gives the Maniturgium, which was used to cleanse his hands; consecrated and made holy when the bishop anointed them with sacred chrism at his ordination. The Maniturgium is a simple white piece of linen that represents the burial shroud of Christ that protected His sacred body during His 3 days in the tomb. The Maniturgium is given to the mother, because she was the first protector of the newly ordained priest, during his time in her womb. The Maniturgium is a reminder to the people of God of His love and protection – especially towards His priests. When the newly ordained priest’s mother is called home to God, she is buried holding the Maniturgium so that all in Heaven and on Earth will know that she is the mother of a priest. And on the last day when we are raised from the dead, she can present the Maniturgium to Christ the Lord and say, “my son too shared in your priesthood.” 

To his father, the priest presents his first confessional stole. The stole is the sign of priestly office, and the priest wears it when he engages in holy things, like celebrating the Holy Eucharist and the Sacrament of Penance. In the Sacrament of Penance, we experience God’s justice, mercy and reconciling Love. It was the father of the newly ordained priest who first taught him about justice and mercy. And so the purple stole used to hear confessions, where the priest reconciles the faithful into God’s love, is presented to the priest’s father. And like the mother of the newly ordained, when the priest’s father dies, he is buried holding the purple stole so that all in Heaven and on Earth will know that he was the father of a priest. And on the last day when we are raised from the dead, he can present the purple stole to Christ the Lord and say, “my son too shared in your priesthood.”

Source: Father Maurer, comment, January 13, 2012 (1:10 p.m. PST), on "QUAERITUR: Priesthood Ordination Customs," Fr. Z's Blog, January 13, 2012, accessed December 11, 2013, http://wdtprs.com/blog/2012/01/quaeritur-priesthood-ordination-customs/.

The manutergium (from the Latin manu+tergium = hand towel) was a long cloth that was wrapped around the hands of the newly ordained priest after the Bishop anointed his hands with the sacred Chrism (oil). The purpose was to prevent excess oil from dripping onto vestments or the floor during the remainder of the ordination rites. [...] 

The use of the manutergium was discontinued in the current Rite of Ordination. Currently, the newly ordained steps aside to a table after his hands are anointed and uses a purificator to wipe away any excess oil. While it is not technically called the manutergium nor is it exactly the same in design or usage, (for the hands are not wrapped by it), nevertheless this is still a cloth used to wipe away the excess Chrism (oil). 

Manutergium redivivus! In recent years many newly ordained have carefully set aside these purificators in a bag with their name on it so that they may retain this purificator and present it to their mother. The same word has been retained for the cloth (manutergium).

Source: Msgr. Charles Pope, "Lost Liturgies File: The Manutergium," Archdiocese of Washington Blog, June 20, 2010, accessed December 11, 2013, http://blog.adw.org/2010/06/lost-liturgies-file-the-maniturgia/.

In the EF [N.B.: Extraordinary Form], the anointed hands of the ordinandus are closely joined and tied together with a linen cloth, so as to allow the oil to penetrate into his hands. [The newly ordained], then, becomes “a prisoner of Christ” (Eph. 3:1). It is an external manifestation that priests are bound to Christ, the eternal High Priest.

Source: Rev.Fr. Louie R. Coronel, "The Binding Cloth of the Priest’s Anointed Hands," Priest Stuff Blog, February 9, 2011, accessed December 11, 2013, http://prieststuff.blogspot.com/2011/02/binding-cloth-of-priests-anointed-hands.html.