Some Tactics for Chastity

1. Custody of the Eyes (and Imagination and Memory). This method is not simply about chastity but about self-control. The eyes may wander not only out of lustful intentions but harmful curiosity. Custody of the eyes is an exercise, small but continuous and sometimes arduous, in self-control.

We know from neuroscience now that pornography deteriorates the mind in a way similar to cocaine. Custody of the eyes takes on a real importance because the object of delight remains out of sight and helps provide opportunities for the brain to work in different ways.

Two particular helps for maintaining custody of the eyes: 1) prayer, focusing our attention and awareness on God; and 2) awareness of intention and attention, in which we maintain a recollected state of self-awareness of what we are doing and why. In any situation we enter, we enter with this recollection and mindfulness.

Cf. http://ancientchristianwisdom.com/2014/07/10/ye-have-heard-that-it-was-said-by-them-of-old-time-thou-shalt-not-commit-adultery-but-i-say-unto-you-that-whosoever-looketh-on-a-woman-to-lust-after-her-hath-committed-adultery-with-her-already-in/

2. "As If" Technique. Visualize and live "as if" you have already achieved the goal. See all the concrete differences such living would require and simply go about as if these were well established facets of your daily living. This was the recommendation of Aristotle for building all virtue. It is a self-reinforcing process.

We can also apply this visualization to when we're tempted back into old patterns of behavior. For some behaviors, it may be good to imagine, "If I did such and such, here's what I would experience. Would it therefore be worth it?" This practice might be difficult for those suffering from addictive behavior.

Cf. http://ancientchristianwisdom.com/2012/09/16/employing-the-as-if-technique-in-behavioral-modification/

3. Recollected Mindfulness. Maintaining self-awareness is important to avoid impulsive behavior and being swept away by stimuli. Recollection on God helps maintain this calm. When we have failed, simply turn back to God in contrition. This watchfulness also pays attention to the signs and beginnings of what tends to lead towards certain behaviors; this watchfulness will depend on remembering past experience and making records of how patterns begin and progress for us and in what circumstances. These should be all listed and learned for each person.

Mindfulness itself is developed first in little behaviors, such as in breathing, dressing, morning routines, walking, sitting, noticing ambient noises, etc.. Regular prayers before, during, and after activities that tend to distract us should be introduced.

Cf. http://ancientchristianwisdom.com/2012/07/20/being-impulsive-a-problem-for-moderns-and-ancients/

http://ancientchristianwisdom.com/2013/08/07/taking-captivity-captive-the-role-of-mindfulness-in-overcoming-mindless-compulsions/

4. Honestly Naming the Thought or Sin. Speaking aloud to another or to God an evil thought or sin that we are tempted to helps to neutralize its power. Herein lies some of the power of regular examination and confession. When we face the possibility and reality of admitting shameful behaviors to a person we respect, such as a priest, or a person we wouldn't want to see us in a bad light, such as a coworker or mentor, then we are much less likely to act out on a temptation. Where our fear of God is lacking, our fear of others may supply. This practice also keeps us humble and honest with ourselves and others: "This is who I am. I admit it. I'm working on it, but this is what I've done, thought, what I struggle with, etc."

Cf. http://ancientchristianwisdom.com/2012/07/17/exposing-bad-thoughts-and-spiritual-healing/

5. Emotional Self-Understanding. Every temptation is preceded by emotional triggers that are deeply rooted in ourselves. We can come to recognize these feelings, their triggers, to see how they have been "solved" up until now by certain sinful behaviors. We can then admit these emotions honestly and openly. We can feel sorrow for the ways in which we have hurt ourselves and been fooled by the lies of the world around us into accepting harmful, self-destructive behaviors to run from our emotions and pain. We can connect our pain to past experiences and then see how they draw great power from childhood experiences or unresolved conflicts in ourselves or with others. Then we can bring all this to prayer, speaking our pain to God, asking Him to heal us, to help us, to comfort us.

Cf. http://www.chastitysf.com/q_masturbation.htm

Cf. http://www.chastitysf.com/4humility.htm

Cf. http://www.chastitysf.com/healing.htm

6. Practice Satiety Prevention. Seek to reduce the immediate gratification of desire—in eating, listening to music/radio, watching TV/movies, reading, texting, chatting, playing games, etc. Exercise self-control, fast, and learn to find comfort and fulfillment in God through prayer.

Cf. http://www.chastitysf.com/q_masturbation.htm

7. Develop a Sense of Gratitude. A mystical sense of gratitude by which we recognize everything around us is a gift from God helps foster a certain detachment by preventing us from becoming inordinately fixated on the objects of our awareness. Through gratitude, we recognize each thing reflects in some way God's beauty. Such gratitude helps foster recollection and mindfulness.

Cf. http://www.chastitysf.com/gratitude.htm

Tolerating People vs. Tolerating Sins

In the story of the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1–11), Jesus tells the woman, "Neither do I condemn you." People usually stop there when recounting the story, but it doesn't end there. Our Lord then tells the woman, "Go and sin no more."

Why do people stop before the last line? Because they usually tell this story as an example of what compassion and tolerance look like. They say, with Pope Francis, "Who am I to judge?" They end up mistaking compassion with blindness, and divesting mercy of truth, they end up with self-congratulation that will lead them all straight into Hell.

Christ made a judgment of this woman's behavior but not her being. Look at His words:

"Neither do I condemn you" in your very being, which is good, created in God's image, and called to a life of union with Him. No matter what you do or fail to do, I love you in your being, being a person, being a creature, called to be a daughter.

"Go and sin no more" because what you are doing and have been doing will lead you only to destruction. If you therefore value your life and what is good, you will do what is good because our actions follow our desire and our values.

Christ tells the woman to stop sinning. By implication, Christ is judging her actions and saying, "You have been sinning." We might say in protest, "Who are you to tell me what to do?" But Christ is truth, and He knows better. Christ doesn't threaten her because He doesn't need to. Why doesn't He need to? Because he made clear the distinction between who we are and what we do. Who we are is good, but what we do is not always good.

Compassion is for people, not for actions. Tolerance is for people, not for actions. Actions and beliefs are open to praise or rejection. People are more than their actions and beliefs, and their value is determined by neither.

Germain Grisez on Humorous Lies

The moral theologian Germain Grisez, following the thought of St. Thomas Aquinas, in his Living a Christian Life states:

Humorous lies manipulate others and often offend their dignity. [bold emphasis original] Many moralists think humorous (jocose) lies have little or no moral significance. This opinion may be based partly on a confusion between telling humorous fictional stories not intended to deceive anyone (these are not lies, and can be morally acceptable) and humorous lies properly so called. The latter do aim to deceive someone, although usually only temporarily, and generally in the context of playful mocking or teasing (“kidding”). For instance, someone first tells a credulous person something astonishing, embarrassing, or frightening but untrue, and by this deception provokes an emotional reaction; then the joker manifests the truth and at least implicitly ridicules the reaction. 

Although the humorous lie usually is not a grave matter, its moral significance is obvious: like every other lie, it manipulates others. This fact also explains why humorous liars typically victimize people whom they regard as inferiors (and thus offend their dignity): adults often tell such lies to children, male superiors to female subordinates, the sophisticated to the simple, and so on.” (7.B.6.h)

We are reminded of St. Paul's admonition: "Putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another" (Eph. 4:25). Is there, then, any room for a lie that makes use of falsehood?

There is a story in the life of St. Thomas Aquinas when the Saint was a novice. Because of his quietness and slowness of movement, his brothers thought him dumb. An older brother, hoping to capitalize on this, pointed dramatically out the window one day and exclaimed to St. Thomas, "Look! There is a flying pig!" St. Thomas, apparently gullible, walked over to the window and looked out. When the laughter had died down, St. Thomas turned to the brother who had made the joke and said, "It would have been better for a pig to fly than for a Dominican to tell a lie."

No, St. Thomas sure wasn't the life of the party, but for what it's worth, he is a saint and doctor of the Church.

Distinction: Complaining vs. Honesty

There is a difference between complaining and honestly stating one's feelings. Complaints are not edifying for anyone, frequently encourage gossip or detraction, and reveal an implicit distrust in God's Providence. In sum, complaints are destructive acts.

The honest stating of one's feelings, either in an interaction with another person or in prayer with God, is a necessary condition for growing in humility and witnessing to the Truth, for honestly stating one's feelings should lead to trusting more deeply in God, Who loves us infinitely, and working constructively to find solutions to the problem(s) that have caused those feelings in the first place. Honesty is constructive.

Furthermore, whereas a complaint is an unconscious cry to be loved—in other words, the act of an infant who seeks the nurturing presence of its mother, honesty is the explicit expression of maturity—the act of an adult individual who, while finite and not impervious, can become vulnerable in such a way as to offer the chance of redemption between an offender and a victim. It is by way of "softness" or vulnerability, which is founded on honesty, that a malicious act or an accident may be recognized as such, the opportunity for reconciliation may arise, and amendment of life may occur. If a person simply complains, the shunning of honest interaction can lead only to a hardening of hearts and a further isolation of one individual from the other and, depending on the size of the circumstance, a group of people from another group.

Finally, honesty is necessary in one's prayer life because only by opening up to God can we grow closer to Him. He knows how we are even if we don't tell Him, but it is important for us that we open our hearts up rather than harden and shut them off, for in the measure that we give ourselves to Him by opening ourselves up to Him in trust, so does God give Himself to us.

Thick Skin is a Defense for Self-Loathing

I think the advice to have "thick skin" is terrible advice in the pursuit of human virtue. Every time that I have heard it given, it came from people who were clearly themselves both unhappy and not virtuous, or it was given in circumstances where honesty could easily have led to a much better solution to conflict.

American culture is actually very unique in the world for being one of the only places that has turned insults and sarcasm into a form of compliment. Jokes made at the expense of another person are justified by a narrative of fraternal love—e.g. "He and I are good friends, so I can do this to him or say this about him." Somehow we have the notion that being friends justifies what in most other societies would be taken as a form of hatred or abuse.

It is in this same culture that we have the saying that one ought to have "thick skin" so as not to be disturbed by the rudeness or selfishness of others. But this solution is self-deceptive and stems from pride. The proper reaction to rudeness or selfishness from a purely human point of view cannot be to somehow stifle, suppress, or ignore what is done to us and how we feel about it; such a view presupposes that the emotions are evil and that a truthful encounter with them is likewise unacceptable. The proper reaction to rudeness can be only the honest assertion of one's dignity, of which no circumstance may justify its abuse. Hence, for example:

Offensive person: You're an idiot.
Honest person: I may be ignorant about certain things or wrong in this situation, but your insulting my character is hurtful and unjustified. If I'm wrong, correct me. There is no need to insult me.

It doesn't matter how the offensive person reacts. If he apologizes, then all is well. Most likely, he won't. Either way, contrast this response of honesty (1. stating one's feelings; 2. pointing out the injustice of the act openly) with one of dishonesty:

Offensive person: You're an idiot.
Dishonest person: Only idiots themselves call other people idiots.

This is only one example of how a dishonest person might respond. Any response that does not bring to light the injustice of the offensive person's act without being judgmental (e.g. saying, either directly or indirectly, that a person is somehow "evil" for doing something wrong) or does not state one's feelings in reaction is a dishonest one.

A dismissive response, equally dishonest, would be like the following:

Offensive person: You're an idiot.
Dishonest person: Whatever.

In trying not to take seriously the offensive person's insult, the dishonest person deflects any possibility of forgiveness, of bringing the injustice to light so that it may be repented, of reconciliation, etc.

In such cases, good-willed persons might recommend to the victim to have a "thick skin," but how can this advice, as it is commonly given, be in any way healthy for an individual? Thick skin implies the opposite of an honest encounter and expression of one's internal state.

Why is this issue important? Because most people suffer from an unconscious (and in many cases, conscious) belief that they deserve to be treated poorly, that they are not worthy of being treated well. They unwittingly invite abuse into their lives in one form or another and do not stand up to it because for one reason or another they think that such abuse is justified. Such people do not think that they possess an inherent dignity (or they may intellectually believe this but not act on it accordingly), and hence they do not assert their dignity.

The assertion of dignity must follow upon the honest belief in one's self-worth, and the assertion of dignity must always take a form of honest communication: calling out the evil for what it is and extending the opportunity for reconciliation by the honest stating of one's feelings.

Hence even people who advise thick skin themselves reveal how much self-loathing they unconsciously harbor because anyone who actually values himself could never encourage another human being of practically measureless dignity to act in such a way that would compromise that dignity.

Dr. Timothy J. William's "Using Fiction to Vindicate the Gospels"

Any good student of literature can recognize the hallmarks of great fiction. It is nothing if not consistent, conceived as a whole, seamless and artful, thus artificial. Every detail of the work is determined and arranged by the author, and has purpose and relevance. And even if the author decides to include extraneous details, these non-sequiturs are only apparent, for they too play a role in revealing the author’s overarching esthetic stance. The analogies, the metaphors, the similes are all crafted and positioned just so, to reinforce motivation and action, to move the story inexorably toward a predetermined conclusion. If a writer’s intention is too obvious, too heavy-handed, too clumsy, too cliché-ridden, we relegate his works to second-rate status. But all writers follow more or less the same creative procedures. [...]

Paradoxically then, the greatest works of pure fiction can impart a sense of “reality” during the act of reading. [...]

The Gospels, on the other hand, are living documents, each a specific but incomplete testimony of something true, not a work of the imagination. The chronicles are episodic, the seams show everywhere, and the authors are not concerned with creating a smoothly flowing narrative, because what they have experienced or investigated is too powerful, too immediate, too real to require or permit any artful recasting. The Evangelists do not hesitate to interrupt their own narratives with extraneous events and details, including things whose significance they themselves do not seem to understand. They are obviously afraid of adding anything uncertain, or omitting anything known. This is the hallmark of reliable testimony, of four different people telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, without concern for how the testimony appears or is received. [...]

The Gospels also contain that other mark of honest testimony, the odd non sequitur that leaves you wondering why more was not said, or more left out. The classic example is the narrative of the adulterous woman about to be stoned to death, and Jesus’s composed distractedness before he disarms the crowd with a few words of astonishing simplicity and revolutionary morality. In the most ancient manuscripts of the fourth Gospel, John tells us twice that Jesus “bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground” (John 8: 6, 8) but he does not tell us why, nor what Jesus wrote, nor whether we should even care about this odd gesture at a moment of great anticipation. [...]

No great writer of fiction, nor even a mediocre one, would ever have mentioned this detail without telling us what Jesus wrote in the sand. Indeed, the well-intended “corrections” found in later manuscripts but ultimately excluded from the Bible – namely that Jesus wrote “the sins of each of them” – merely point out what is humanly unsatisfying in the passage. [...]

It is impossible to tie all the loose threads together, to weave into an artfully seamless whole the many stories a man capable of fascinating and converting both Luke the Greek, the learned physician, and Saul of Tarsus, the militantly anti-Christian Jew. That is why the multifaceted nature of the Scriptures surpasses in realism the very greatest works of fiction.

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Source: Dr. Timothy J. Williams, "Using Fiction to Vindicate the Gospels," Crisis Magazine, Janurary 20, 2014, accessed March 19, 2014, http://www.crisismagazine.com/2014/using-fiction-to-vindicate-the-gospels.

Making a Big Deal Out of Everything

There's a certain sense in which for the Christian everything is a BIG deal. Yet on the other hand, there's another sense in which everything is, in the big scheme of things, pretty inconsequential. Christianity super-focuses our inherent sense of wonder and curiosity; it sensitizes us to the smallest "flickerings." But it also gives us a broad perspective of things, a deep tranquility in the trust that all things are guided by Providence, that "the sufferings of this time are not worthy to be compared with the glory to come, that shall be revealed in us" (Romans 8:18).

My suffering at the hands of another was a big enough deal for God to die for me, to suffer with me. At the same time, my suffering is something quite small, "not worthy to be compared" to what awaits me. It is something to be faced honestly, but in facing it honestly, we find that it's not really a big deal. Pride wants to puff it up, which is what pride does. Pride wants the slight to turn into a vendetta, ending in streets flowing with blood. Acknowledging the pain in honesty allows us to actually deal with the pain and to realize its smallness and be content with that.

My tendency to make things a big deal flows from my pride, my unwillingness to accept that I am a creature, dust. I want to be more than that, and in trying to be more, I cause chaos. It is only when I give up trying to be more and accepting what I am that God shines through in His full splendor. The humble creature is actually more.